I would have loved you all my life
by C a P T i V i T Y
Summary: Samuel and Ellie have been friends for years, but some revelations only come when it's too late to act upon them. [DannyxSam] [Sort of a prequel to the cartoon] [Rated for character death] [ONESHOT] [Picture by Unknown-Person]


**Chapter Track: Ryan Star - Losing your memory**

**1.**

Samuel doesn't think Ellie notices when she puts her hand on his leg, or when she jumps in front of him during a ghost attack or even just when Dash or Kwan or even Paulina so much as looks at him. He doesn't think Ellie notices when she grabs his hand when she's exited about something, or when she squeezes his arm whenever they watch a particularly scary movie together.

He doesn't think she notices when she does anything even slightly affectionate, really, but she does all of those things anyway and whenever she does, Sam finds his breath caught in his throat and his heart beating in his chest way too fast.

It started when they where about twelve years old. They were having a sleepover, despite the fact that they are of the opposite gender, because that's what best friends do and Tucker was there too, anyway. Tucker said something funny and Ellie laughed, this happy laugh that caught Sam's attention and didn't let it go.

It's not that she looked beautiful while laughing until her stomach hurt or anything, nobody can manage to do that. In fact, she looked extremely tired (it was 4 AM, after all), her hair was all messed up, she wore an old shirt that had been her sisters first and was probably two sizes too big on her, and she was turning red because she couldn't stop laughing.

But Sam couldn't stop staring at her until she finally calmed down and wiped the happy tears from her face.

For the first time he'd discovered that maybe, just maybe, he liked his best friend as more than a friend.

And now, four years later, he _knows _that he does.

It's 2 PM. They're in class making some stupid test that won't even affect their grade at all, and the class isn't exactly silent: Sam can hear Dash and the other A-listers laughing loudly in the back, and he can hear Paulina and Star giggling together.

Sam wonders if Ellie doesn't sometimes miss being able to go to the mall with a friend and just giggle over boys and hair and... well... girly things. He asked her, once, but she just said that she liked hanging out with him and Tucker better, and that she wouldn't have time for any 'girl-time' with all the ghosts attacking all the time, anyway.

Sam sometimes worries that she might have thought different about some things if the portal accident hadn't ruined her entire puberty.

Thinking about her makes Sam's eyes shift towards his female friend, his heart already beating faster. She's sitting in a way that implies being bored: slumped in her seat with her pencil behind her ear. Maybe she's asleep, but Sam can't see her eyes, since she's a few rows in front of him.

Her hair is messy, and Sam thinks that she might've had another rough night of ghost fighting. He wonders why she never just calls him and Tucker for help. They would be twice as fast together so they could all still get a good night's sleep.

But Ellie protested loudly and somewhat angrily when he suggested this, so he didn't bring it up again.

Sam feels a poke on his shoulder and drags his eyes away from his crush, instead looking at his other best friend, Tucker Foley, who poked him. "What?" Snaps Sam, giving him an irritated sigh, "I'm buzzy with this te,-"

"With staring at Ellie, you mean." Tucker interrupts, "Seriously, Dash has been hitting on her for two years and her defense is breaking, if you want to go out with her, you gotta ask her now, dude."

"I wasn't staring at Ellie, I was just thinking." Sam defends, which is sort of true, though he _was _actually staring.

"Yes, and your eyes just happened to be glued on Ellie's back for ten whole minutes." Tucker says sarcastically, turning back to his own test and grabbing his pencil once more, "Whatever, man".

Sam rolls his eyes, feeling like he's had this conversation a hundred times before, which he kind of has. He turns his own attention back to the sheet in front of him as well, and realizes that he's done nothing more this entire period than absently drawing the 'Danielle Phantom' logo over and over and over again.

So he's turning into a lovesick girl now. Awesome.

The bell rings, and Sam makes it a point to angrily stuff the sheet of paper in his pocket, despite Lancer's disapproving look as he does so. It's not like he'll actually get a grade for it, anyway, and even if he did, he doesn't think it would be very high when he hasn't filled in anything but his name.

Outside the classroom, Ellie is frantically rubbing her eyes. With her hair all messy (the red clips that are supposed to keep it out of her eyes are more dangling than doing anything), her pencil still resting behind her ear and her clothes wrinkled she looks slightly nutty.

Sam thinks she looks kind of cute.

"We should do something none-ghost related after school today." Ellie offers as soon as they start walking towards their next class, "If no ghosts attack, that is."

"Can't." Tucker mutters sadly, "My grandmother is coming over, I've got to listen to 'when I was your age' stories all evening."

"Bummer." Ellie mutters sadly, "Well, I guess we'll just have to hang out today, Sam." She gives him a hopeful glance as she says this, and Sam nods like he doesn't care, either way.

"Yeah, that's cool."

"Kay." Ellie nods.

**2.**

Mid-July, everything goes downhill.

Sam is at his favorite book shop when Tucker calls him. He simply ignores his phone at first, because Tucker always calls for the stupidest things at the stupidest times and everybody knows not to interrupt him when he's trying to figure out what book he wants to read, but after ten minutes of the continued ringing of his phone, he figures it might be important and answers with an irritated: "What?"

"Dude, I've been trying to call you forever!" Tucker yells into the phone loudly, "You need to come to the hospital, man, Ellie's,-"

Sam hangs up as soon as he hears her name and hastily puts the book back on the shelf before dashing trough the door and towards the direction of South Mercy Hospital. When he comes in, Tucker is already waiting for him.

Tucker is usually afraid of hospitals, but he doesn't seem to care right now, just gives him a sad glance.

"Where is she?" Sam demands.

"We're not allowed to see her right now, dude." Tucker whispers, "We need to wait."

"Where are her parents?" Sam wonders, not wanting to ask the most obvious question: What is wrong with Ellie?

"In the waiting room. Are you coming?" Tucker asks. As they start walking in the direction of said room, Tucker answers the question Sam was afraid to ask. "Nobody knows what's wrong with her... Mrs. Fenton said she's had nosebleeds all week, but they didn't think anything about it because of the dry air..." This is true: A large heatwave has hit Amity Park, and the air is dry enough to make the town seem like a desert, "...but today she started coughing, like a lot, and about an hour ago she vomited, but it wasn't... it wasn't"

Tucker seems to be unable to go any further for a few seconds, but they've entered the waiting room now, and Jazz approaches them with tears in her eyes, finishing the story for him.

"It wasn't vomit... it was all blood."

Those last four words hang in the air for a few seconds, and Sam can barely feel it sink in, doesn't know what to think.

There hasn't been any ghost attacks for almost three weeks, and Ellie has seemed to be all right in that time span, so it can't be that she got beaten up that badly, right? But Sam desperately wants to believe that that's all it is, that she'll recover, because the only other option he can think of... isn't a good one.

He hugs both Maddie and Jack, despite usually hating any form of physical contact, and then sits down next to where Jazz and Tucker have retreated to, joining them in their small conversation about the upcoming school year.

For a good hour, they try to avoid anything that has even the slightest bit to do with the current situation, and even end up talking about Doomed. Jazz knows little about the boy's favorite video game, but she tries to be involved in the conversation as much a possible to avoid being left to her thoughts.

It takes the doctors that whole hour until they can finally give Ellie's loved ones any kind of information.

A man with gray hair and brown eyes comes towards them and introduces himself as dr. Manell. Before he explains: "We've tried every possible test we could think of, we've done a full body scan... but we just can't find the cause at all." Sam's heart sinks into his shoes at that revelation, and he can feel tears burn angrily behind his eyes, because he knows what the man will say next before he even says it: "I'm afraid her body is simply shutting down... There's _nothing_ we can do."

Maddie bursts into tears, Jack tries to comfort her, Jazz and Tucker hold onto each other and both cry... but Sam just stands there, unable to think of anything else but those words:

_Her body is shutting down. Her body is shutting down. Her body is shutting down._

The words are stuck in his head like a mantra, and he feels like he can't move.

"You can all go see her, now, she's awake, but she isn't going to be for long... she's dying." dr. Manell says sadly, "We don't really know how long she has."

He wishes them his condolences after this, and walks away with a face that reveals that he might hate this, but it's nothing compared to what Sam feels.

Everybody walks towards Ellie's room, but as they all enter, Sam's body refuses, and he just stands outside the room for a long time, until, half an hour later, everybody comes out, everyone but Jazz crying, and Tucker reveals: "She's... she's asking for you, dude."

Sam doesn't really want to go in, doesn't want to see his dying friend, but when he hears this, he forces his feet to move and walks into the room, trying to smile at the weak version of the Ellie he saw _just yesterday_, and miserably failing.

"Hey." Sam manages out when the door is closed behind him (he's pretty sure by Tucker).

"Hey." Ellie whispers back, softly patting on the bed next to her, "C'mhere."

Sam approaches her carefully, sitting down as if he's afraid she'll break if he goes too fast, which she looks like she will, and taking the hand she's holding out towards him in his own.

She looks terrible, he realizes, her skin is white as a sheet and her eyes are dull, and she looks like some sort of zombie, with blood still all over her top.

"Why weren't you here just now?" Ellie mutters, looking at their hands.

"I was afraid." Sam admits. He doesn't see the point in lying.

"Why are _you_ afraid? You're fine." Ellie points out.

"But you're not." Sam says, stroking the top of her hand while she's still staring at it. "How could this... how could this happen?"

"I don't know, Sam." Ellie says, tears in her eyes, "I think... I think this was meant to happen, maybe I should have died in the portal accident and time is just catching up on me now? I don't know, but I don't want to die." her voice breaks at the last word, and then she's full on crying.

Despite the awkward angle this leaves her in, she falls into Sam's arms when he opens them for her, sobbing against his chest. "I don't want to die, I'm not ready to die..."

"I know." Sam whispers into her hair, and he repeats this until she calms down. "I know, I know, I know."

Even after she's stopped crying, Ellie leaves her face buried in Sam's purple and black shirt, and they shift so she can lean against him in a more comfortable way.

"I told them, you know." Ellie announces, "Mom and Dad and Jazz... they deserve to know... but Jazz already did, for some reason."

Sam swallows and nods, kissing her hair because he feels like that's the right thing to do right now, and also because he feels like he might never get to do anything like that again. "Yeah... they did."

"Do you think I'll come back? As a ghost, I mean." Ellie wonders, "Because if I will, I'll probably just be stuck in Amity Park until you guys are all old and come follow me."

"I don't know." Sam says, because he doesn't want to admit that he, selfishly, hopes that she will, that this isn't goodbye.

"If I don't... You need to know something, too." Ellie's voice has become a whisper, and she's feeling weaker and weaker in his arms. "I'm in love with you." She says it like she's ashamed of it, like she thinks Sam will be disgusted with her, now. He's not, he just kisses her hair again and nods. "Me too. I mean, I'm in love with you, too."

Ellie seems to calm down, at that, and for a while they just sit like that, both crying (because he doesn't care about keeping it in and being a goth right now, he'll gladly become the most sunny person on earth if that'll keep Ellie alive) and holding onto each other like Ellie just told him she'll fall apart if he doesn't hold her together.

"I asked them to leave me alone with you, you know." Ellie admits after ten minutes of silence. "They wanted to just call you in and... but I couldn't, I just needed to see you one last time... like, I don't know, I thought I would feel better, and I guess I do, a little."

"I'll miss you." Sam says, because he doesn't know what else to say.

He wonders how everything went downhill so fast, wasn't he at his favorite bookshop just two hours ago?

"Me, too." Ellie forces out, as if she's in pain, but then, she relaxes and simply chuckles: "I'm going ghost..."

And then she falls limp in his arms.

Sam keeps sitting there, holding her, until the door opens and Maddie peeks in, also crying.

He keeps sitting there long after they've taken her body from him, long after Maddie, Jack and Jazz have left to talk about things with a doctor, long after Tucker has asked him if he wants to spend the night at his place so they can just _not _be alone tonight, and long after his friend has given up on that idea and called his parents to come pick him up.

Sam just sits there, staring into nothingness.

**3.**

"Clockwork!"

The time ghost is forced out of his daze by the Observants behind him, and turns around to glare at them silently, raising an eyebrow after he feels he's brought the point across and asking: "What is it?"

"Do you see now?" asks one of them.

"Yes." Admits Clockwork, "Danielle Fenton grows up to be Danielle Phantom, and this becomes her death." He pauses for a second, "What do you want me to do about it?"

"You are the master of time, Clockwork!" one of the observants yells, "So do your duty as the time Master and save that time line!"

Clockwork just stares at them as if they've gone crazy, before saying: "I admit everything is not as it should be, but in order for Danielle _not _to die, she would have to be a _Daniel_. You know just as well as me that only a man's body can fully survive becoming half ghost. And even if I did change the time line in order for Ellie to be a boy, there would still have to be _some _form of a Danielle. Also, I would still have to find some way for Ellie and Sam to have feelings for each other, because that _is _as it should be, and,-"

"Clockwork." One of the observants interrupts him. "We both understand that you don't find us very smart... and that you have little respect for us."

"But," the other falls in, "This is one thing in which you _know _we are right. Danielle Fenton isn't ever supposed to die."

Clockwork sighs, pinching his nose. He hates it when the observants are right, but they actually are for once.

Ellie should not die, she is their one hope of survival. Without her, the entire ghost zone _and _earth will die out.

"Fine." Clockwork gives in, "I'll see what I can do about it. For now, mind to observe the door?"

The observants glance at each other for a few seconds before bidding Clockwork farewell and disappearing altogether.

Clockwork turns to his observing screen, where Sam is frozen in time, still sitting on the hospital bed.

And he starts changing it.

He changes everything.

_Wake up, it's time.  
>Little girl, wake up.<br>All the best of what we've done is yet to come._

_Wake up, it's time.  
><em>_Little girl, wake up.  
>Just remember who I am in the morning...<em>

**[The Beginning of the Cartoon we all know and love]**

**[(and the end of a sad fanfiction)]**


End file.
